Last Monday I “helped” by taking the dishes out of the dishwasher and putting them in the cupboard. I did all of the plates and cups and glasses and bowls first. Then I put away the larger serving spoons and odds and ends. The last step was the flatware.

But some of the flatware was clearly unwashed.

Oh shit.

All of the other dishes were clean. Or at least cleanish. But these two butter knives had butter on them. I had two theories:

1.     The dishwasher had run but someone later put a few dirty butter knives in there by mistake. Didde's grandparents slept overnight after Christmas.

2.     None of the dishes were clean and I had put them back in the cupboards.

This sort of thing never happens if I’m the one who loaded the dishwasher in the first place because I don’t first rinse everything. I put dishes in there dirty and proud, so you know when the dishwasher has run. But these dishes COULD have been merely rinsed by someone more thorough.

I decided to leave the dirty flatware and just be quiet about the stuff I put away, under the theory that it would be better if I never knew how many dirty dishes I had put away and later reused. This theory was working great until…

Didde: “Why is the dishwasher empty except for these dirty forks and knives and spoons?”

Me: “Um…Because everything else was washed?”

Didde: “I don’t think so. I think it was all dirty. What happened to all of those dirty dishes?”

Me” “Um…I’m pretty sure the rest of that stuff was totally clean. So…I…put it away.”

Didde: “Even Eros’ bowl?”

Now at this point in the story you have to know that Eros is my parent’s dog ,who amongst other, we celebrated Christmas with. Eros' temporary dog bowl was one of our everyday bowls. That meant there was a 1-in-4 chance that I would be the one who ended up eating cereal out of the dog’s dirty (yet rinsed!) bowl.

So I caved in and unloaded all of the dirty dishes from the cupboards back to the dishwasher – at least the ones I remembered.

My long term goal is to develop such a reputation for household incompetence that I am never again asked to do anything around the house. So far my plan is right on track.

The BBC reports that a female Indian athlete who recently won a silver medal in a regional competition has failed a gender test. Seriously.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/6188775.stm

I have to think that of all the tests you could fail, a gender test would be the most embarrassing. The article is a bit sketchy on the test itself but it reportedly involves an endocrinologist, psychologist, and gynecologist.

I have to wonder what the psychologist’s test looked like, since other experts were checking her junk. I assume there was some sort of highly offensive, stereotypical, and sexist written exam. It probably looked like this:

1. Shopping is…
  a. A fascinating experience that is even better when shared.
  b. A method used to extract secrets from terrorists.

2. What does “nothing is wrong” mean?
  a. Start guessing and apologizing or I’ll kill you in your sleep.
  b. Oh shit.

3. The best time for sex is…
  a. When your mood and your schedule are right.
  b. Do you mind if I masturbate a little while I take this test?

4. When you observe a man doing a simple task, you think…
  a. That frickin’ baboon is doing it wrong and ruining everything.
  b. Why would I watch a man do a simple task?

5. When a man doesn’t notice your new hair color it means…
  a. He no longer loves you.
  b. Hair has different colors?

6. After a man explains the undeniable logic of his point of view…
  a. It proves that he just doesn’t get it.
  b. Case closed!

7. Your reaction to this test is…
  a. Bastard!
  b. Ha Ha! You’re dead, Dude.